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this psalm feels like a bunch of the songs that i wrote when i was younger. almost schizophrenic in the way the opening doesn't match the conclusion...very "stream of consciousness." (i think my songs maybe rhymed a little better, but that doesn't really matter in a psalm.) it starts out one direction and about 2/3 through the thing (about where you'd stick the bridge in a pop-rock song) there is a hard transition - a totally different vibe - a new direction and mood and tone.

the psalm begins, "take a deep breath, god." that line just cracks me up. "slow down a little, big guy!" "you don't have to hit me so hard with that 'punishing rod.'" (paraphrased :)) david goes on to describe how awfully bad he feels because of his sin and his guilt. i've found myself feeling like a failure before, but never to the extent that i would say "my life is a vomit of groans." (very descriptive, mr. david.)

then around verse 13 the transition begins. david's done worrying about the taunting and rebuking of other people, done fussing with his feelings of crippling guilt...and he's ready to confront it and ask god for help. moment of clarity? "im ready to tell my story of failure, i'm no longer smug in my sin."

david is still obviously broken, but he shifts gears from self-loathing to reliance on god. from begging god to "take it easy" to asking god to "hurry up and help me." from "i can't do anything right" to "i need you so bad, i can't do anything without you."

feeling guilt totally sucks. but sometimes it's good for us. (i'm not talking about preachers' guilt trips and such, but the kind of guilt that comes to you when you know you've done something really wrong or wasted a huge opportunity) it helps us to give up, to shift from "leave me alone, god" to "hurry and help me." that's how the transitions happens.