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BROKENNESS
Pastor Kris Belfils

I think brokenness is more an attitude then an incident. There are
many elements to brokenness. First it is a state of true humility. We can try
and be humble, but really that is false humility. True humility is realizing our
need for God. It is a knowing that life evolves around Him and not us. True
humility is a heart that wants to continually please God first and foremost
above our own needs and wants. One interesting thing about true humility
is it proves itself. It proves the one who it represents. In other words, if we
are walking in true humility, we will not want to be always seen, or first in
line, or expecting others to wait on us. True humility will look out for the
interests of others instead of always looking out for itself. Jesus said it well
when he spoke to the Scribes and Pharisees saying, "But he who is
greatest among you shall be your servant. And whoever exalts himself will
be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted" (Matthew 23:10 -
11 NJKV). A true sign of humility is a person who is willing to serve, even
when no one is looking. Are you a true humble servant?

Another attribute of brokenness is the absence of pride. There is a
certain kind of pride that has a "look at me" spirit attached to it. When you
see it in others, it leaves a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. I've
encountered it many times as a worship leader working with a worship
team. Satan fell from heaven because of his pride (Isaiah 14:12 - 15). I can
see why worship teams struggle and even churches struggle over what
kind of music is to be played at church. This battle has been going on for
generations and generations.

When working with worship teams, I have found that the members
who have pride built up in their hearts are the hardest to work with. The
truly broken, humble members will want to help out in any way to bring in
the presence of God. Prideful members will want to be seen and want to
have their way. One thing I've noticed with those members that have pride
in their hearts is that eventually they will have to choose between two
choices. Either they will finally notice the pride in their hearts and want to
change, or they will harden their hearts and continue deeper in their pride.
This could possibly lead to destruction in their lives.

Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV)
"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."

I remember praying one morning, shortly after my failure, and in my
minds eye I could see a big pile of gray rags. From the pile of rags was
rising a stream of steam. This showed stench. This was my righteousness.
I knew it immediately. The closer I got to the pile, the uglier it became to me.
God started to reveal what my righteousness was. Times when I took the
glory for His talents I possessed. Times when my prayers were answered
for those that I prayed for, and I felt it was my doing. Times of preaching
and people praising me for how it ministered to them. One thing after
another God began to show me. One by one I asked Him to forgive me. I
finally said to God, "We need to do some laundry!" He lovingly spoke, "No!
Throw it all away." I needed to throw it all in the garbage. God had his
righteousness available for me to wear, mine was as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6
KJV).

Since receiving first hand the destruction from my own pride, I've
tried to warn other people of this possibility, but the only true school is the
school of hard knocks. We all have to live it to really understand it. Pride is
an element that will defile us if never addressed. It's easy to allow pride to
build and grow in our hearts. I did it and shrugged it off, as it was not
important to look at. I didn't think I had a lot of pride in me. Wow, was I
deceived. It was eating away at me and I never saw it.

Mark 7:20 - 23 (NKJV)
And He (Jesus) said, 'What comes out of a man, that defiles a man.
For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts,
adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness,
deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil
things come from within and defile a man.'

We should never think we could handle pride. Always lay the
compliment people give you at the foot of the cross and leave it there.
These "jewels" that were given to you are really Christ's.

There is much grace for those that rid pride from their lives. It is an
on going process. We will always be tempted with pride, especially if you
are in ministry of some sort. Practice laying it down before Christ. This will
help you to guard it from your heart.

After pride was revealed in my heart, brokenness came. I saw and
smelled the stench of my righteousness. I have seen first hand what my
pride caused in the lives of so many people. Brokenness comes when we
arrive at the end of ourselves. I arrived there from my own hands of my
suicide attempt. How could I have come to that place? I use to be able to
trust myself in hard times. Never did I think I would ever try and kill myself.
The thought of it brings shivers down my spine even now. It has been
many years now since that dreadful dark time in my life. But, from that time,
came brokenness in my heart that needed to come. I've thought long and
hard about brokenness and what it really means.

BROKENNESS IS...
Brokenness is… The realization of who I am compared to God.
Brokenness is… A true humility and submissive heart to God.
Brokenness is… A heart's cry of desperation to a loving God.
Brokenness is… Waiting on God's time, not mine.
Brokenness is… Laying down my crowns and dreams for God's.
Brokenness is… Not wanting my will, but God's.
Brokenness is… Letting go of my control to God.
Brokenness is… A heart of obedience and thankfulness towards God.
Brokenness is... A realization of my self-righteous compared to God's.
Brokenness is... A knowing that I'm lost without God.

I'd love to say I came to the place of brokenness through my own
wisdom and know-how, but it took this failure in my life to bring me to the
end of me. When I arrived there, I had no other place to turn, but to God. I
finally saw my desperate need for Him. The desire to be obedient to His will
flooded my heart. After I gave back control to God, I found my burden was
lifted, my anger was gone, and life seemed easier and lighter. Often it does
take us getting to the end of ourselves to give up and seek God's help. His
ways are far better than our ways. God knows what is best for us.

Our self-sufficiency gets us in trouble every time. Look at Peter. He
was full of self-sufficiency. It was not until Peter failed and denied Christ
three times, that he saw his weakness.

As a pastor at a church, we can easily fall into the trap of routine. We
do the same thing week after week, and probably could do it with a
blindfold on and our hands tied behind our backs. This is a trap the enemy
wants all ministers to fall into. Often it is through our failures that we see
these things in our lives. God has a way of taking our failure, if we let Him,
and make something beautiful of it. He has done it in me and He can and
will do it in you. Will you let him? I believe it is a day to day dying to
ourselves, and constantly laying our crowns at the feet of the One who
bore the most painful crown for us all!

Why is it important to be broken before the Lord? The importance is
in the fact that God can use broken things more than He can use rigid
things. There are many examples of brokenness and how God used it.
Jesus was broken, yielding to His heavenly Father's wishes instead of His
own. (Luke 22:42) He allowed His precious body to be broken for all of us.
He took the five loaves of bread and broke them to feed the huge crowd
(Mark 8:1 - 10). The sinful woman brought the costly perfumed oil and
broke it and poured it on Christ's feet. It meant nothing until she broke it
open and poured it out for her Savior (Matthew 26:7, Mark 14:3, Luke 7:37).
God uses broken things. Brokenness causes repentance and
desperation for Him. There has to be a deep brokenness in us to
experience all that God has for us. Broken vessels for His glory. Relying
upon His sufficiency not ours. This moves the heart of God.

At the point of my brokenness, all I could do was cry. When people
would come and talk to be about my failure, I was tearfully broken. I
couldn't stop the tears. One day I was having a conversation with a
pastor's wife on the phone, and all I could do was cry. I finally told her, "All I
have to offer is brokenness." I ended our conversation and wept. "Why do I
cry all the time, Lord?" I asked. His response was very gentle and loving. I
felt an overwhelming sense that I was exactly where God wanted me to be. I
was broken and it was a good thing. I use to hate crying in front of people,
now I welcomed the tears. Knowing God could use broken things brought
hope in my heart that God would use me again. I offered my tears as a
sacrifice that day to God. He received it with open arms and comforted me
in the middle of my emotional pain. I felt my offering was nothing compared
to what others offered God. Yet it was all I could offer at that time. It was my
"widow's mite." (Mark 12:42 - 44) So I offered it, all of my mistakes, all of the
hurt I caused, all the pain of my regrets, and all of my past. I asked God to
multiply it for His glory. I knew God could multiply, what seemed to be
nothing, into something. I was down to nothing, but God was up to
something! As I offered it all that day, I wrote the song; "Brokenness."

Blessings,

Pastor Kris Belfils
www.krisbelfils.com