In the midst of the ongoing custody battle with my ex husband, I have came to realize that I have to get past my anger. I have to remain focused, and not on "winning". Yes I will have victory in Jesus, not revenge through Jesus. It's easy to be bitter and full of spite. It is easy to get mad at say the wrong thing. It isn't always easy to get angry and sin not. This is a war, but within it are many battles. I believe that God would have me pray for my enemies. That has been a struggle for me. Recently I've come to realize that I've been confused about who the enemy is. You see, I know that my ex has been saved. I don't know why he has turned his back on his relationship with Jesus, but it isn't for me to know. I do know that I have seen evil in him. I don't mean that I just think his actions are evil. I mean that I personally witnessed an evil spill out of the person whose name I carried for over a decade. I believe that he has given himself to a darkness that has become beyond his own control. My ex husband is not my enemy. My enemy is and always has been Satan himself. The creator of the evil which has overpowered an already weak man. So I began to pray for that man. I asked God to sit him down by whatever means necessary and open his eyes to the truth. I asked God to show him how he has hurt our children and his entire family with his cruel actions. As I was doing one of my Bible studies, I was reading about how heaven is the ultimate reward, and though we toil on Earth and our true rest is in Heaven. I began to thank God that I was ready to meet Him even if I should go this very minute. For the first time in my life I know that I am truly ready should that be the case. Then I began to wonder about my prayer that God would by "whatever means necessary" open the eyes of my children't father. I just finished reading "The Life of Abraham" and my mind was still on Issac and that father's willingness to sacrifice his son. I wondered to myself about the pain so many people are in right now because of one mans actions. I thought, what if "whatever means necessary" meant my own death? Would that change how I felt? What if I never got to witness the healing of our families? Basically, I have to ask myself, is the promise of heaven enough? Or is seeing justice more important to me? It all came full circle. Of what importance is vengeance when heaven is my ultimate reward and therefore my ultimate goal? So now I thank God for opening my own eyes.
Created 5 months ago