Forgiving my father
I would like to learn how to forgive my father. In most cases I can move on and forgive a person for doing me wrong, but with my dad, it's a constant struggle. I said I have, but I never forgave him for not being around by choice when I was younger. I never forgave him because it was always me who initiated contact between us, even now. The relationship we have now started when I was 18, and that was because I invited him to my high school graduation and we've had a relationship ever since. When we would talk about the past, I told him that I forgave him because I really wanted to deep down, and I really enjoyed our relationship. But since we know each other but kinda not at the same time, when we fight and he acts the way he does (which is "I'm never wrong", spiteful, hateful, childish, and vengeful), it makes me remember all the times he let me down in my childhood. It really hurts me and it just makes me cry and it makes me angry at the same time. In those moments is when I realize I never really forgave him. I want to get past these feelings and really and truly forgive him for everything.
Lord, you know the reason behind my pain, and you understand why I feel the way I do. But these feelings have taken over the way I feel about my father and it makes me not even want to talk to him. I want to be as spiteful as he has been to me, but you know when I try, my spirit feels very convicted. Still, by myself I cannot shake the emotions of anger and pain that I have when I think of him. Now I am asking you to help me and guide me through these emotions, and allow me to finally forgive him of all his wrongdoings. Not because of him, but for me, so that I can say with a clear conscience and a pure heart that I really do forgive him for what he did in the past, and anything else that he may do in the future. I know it will not be easy, but I ask that you work on me and do a new thing in me so that I will not have these emotions as a burden on me in the very near future. I love you, and I thank you that in your name, this is already done. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Created about 2 years ago