SO OFTEN I'VE CRIED
Tears streaming down my face, as I choke out the words of a desperate plea to my Lord. Heart torn in what seems to be millions of pieces. I don't understand; nor do I see any way to possibly keep me from sinking in the circumstance. Still, God rains silent. It "feels" as though God is no where around, but my feelings aren't always fact. But Lord, where are You & why aren't You helping me? Why do I feel so hopeless & alone?
I have no answers to those questions even though I have been broken & seemingly hopeless many times. What I do know is, that God had never left me regardless of what it felt like. More than once, I've lost everything, & with two little kids in tow, started all over again. Time after time telling God I could not do this again & begging Him not to ask me to do it again; and yet I did. Not of my own strength and definitely not my will power. I wanted to quit, just sit down & give up!! It was just too painful to once again, watch the man I love (& father of my children) go right back into drug use & as always followed; prison This inevitably left me alone to deal with the loss of yet another home,vehicles,......everything ! As much as I wanted to, God never let me quit. Those two little faces trusted me. I was mommy & all that mattered to them, was that they would be with me!
I've cried rivers in my heartache & pain and at times, I still do. I know now, that God wants that pure, blind trust & belief from me, that those two bright, smiling wonderful faces always had in me. Regardless, of what I have, or have lost or am losing now; god wants to know that all that matters to me, is that I will be with Him; my Father. Where ever He takes me & whatever we have won't matter, as long as I'm with my Daddy!
God loves us so very much, that regardless of what we feel is lost; He restores us!!! I may sow in years for a time, but His Word says those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy! You will sing when you return with the harvest of those years!!
Lord, thank you that you see my tears and feel my heartache. Though I feel my circumstance is hopeless, let me remember that as long as I am with you, that nothing else matters!!
Created 7 months ago