Hard Directions To Follow

• Mark 8:34 (MSG)

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So Jesus is tell me "Don't run from suffering; EMBRACE IT." I mean, my initial reaction: REALLY? Really, God? Embrace heartache, pain, suffering, headaches?

I know Jesus is right... My head knows it. But my heart. My heart winces at the words. When I went through the darkest time in my life I found myself alone in my house. I took a shower, because it had been a few days of my just wallowing in pain and pity. And I just curled up in the shower and wailed and travailed. I had heard the term travail before. But that night, the pain I felt coming from deep inside of me while I was in the shower erupted up from my gut as a travail. A pain drenched sound of moaning and groaning that I have never heard before.

Along my journey of healing, there has been times where I have embraced suffering more readily then others. But today, ready this verse of scripture and knowing what is ahead for me-- I just think: Really? More embracing? More embracing of the suffering and the pain?

He knows what is best. That's why He says that "I am not in the driver's seat." If I intend to come to Jesus, I MUST let Him LEAD. And He doesn't just leave us there-- He says HE will SHOW ME HOW to embrace suffering.

I love you, Father. For preparing me to embrace the inner pain that is about to be revealed in my life. It scares me, it makes me uneasy. But the thought that You are with me, that you will SHOW me how... That comforts me.

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