Covert Convert
I can be pretty harsh on myself sometimes. Usually, though, I'm not harsh enough. I've had friends that told I'm the biggest advocate for grace they've ever met. It's somewhat ironic to me that I can be so "gracious" to myself, and also beat myself up over stuff at the same time. God's been doing some renovation on me lately, and a couple things in these Proverbs caught my attention:
First, if I'm really fearing God, not the kind of fear that I'd feel when concerned God might not forgive me (...I'm an advocate for Grace, only because I believe it so strongly.), but the reverent, holy kind of fear, then I'm going "to walk in uprightness." No more of this keeping my sins and unholy thoughts secret, as if they were some sort of secret transmission that can only be deciphered by the CIA's top analysts. I need to just be. No pretensions, because if I have faith, and fear God, He's not looking at my righteousness, anyway. There is none righteous, not even one. So, where does that leave me? It puts me in a place of self-awareness where I can survey my secret maneuvers and see them for the devious, deceitful acts they are. However small or minute they may be. I love in Proverbs 4:8 how it says that the wisdom of the sensible is to understand his way. Half of the battle is just realizing. So, I'm converting. I don't know when I signed up to be some covert ops dude, but somehow I've become that. More honesty, less devious ways, more wisdom to understand myself.
Created about 4 years ago
