the end
i realize that my life is half over...if not more than half over. and for the most part...it has amounted to very, very little. the only thing i can account for is bringing five wonderful children into the world. beyond that, all of my efforts equal just about nothing.
It is a hard reality to accept....but maybe it is better than thinking that my social status or friends or business associates mean anything in this life. i am spent. i am sad. i have reached the end of a year and i feel like crying....no i am crying....because i realize that i am nothing.
we moved back to auburn to be near friends. what friends. we move here and there and it all amounts to nothing. i went through the trouble of homeschooling to help my children be so much smarter...so much better.... and it all amounted to nothing. i bought clothes, jewelry...got my hair done a gazillion different ways, got nice nails, lost weight, and it all amounts to nothing.
it means nothing. i am nothing. my life only amounts to one thing. jesus. and my only hope lies in Him. in being in Him. in being part of His plan.
my only hope is to be glorified with Him.
I pray that this new year that i will be able to throw off all of my pretenses. to finally be real. to not care what anyone else thinks. to not try to please except for one person. God.
don't laugh at me, oh my enemy, for if I fall....i will arise...and the Lord will be a light unto me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against Him...until He pleads my cause and He executes judgement for me. then i will behold his righteousness and He will bring me into the light.
and i finally realize that nothing else matters. i love my family. i thank God for my wonderful family. nothing else matters.
love you guys. you are a blessing beyond belief. loveyou,Mozz
Created over 1 year ago
