What is my motivation?

I have been wondering lately about my motivation in my practice of Christianity. I try to do the things that I know God wants me to do. I read His word and I pray. I'm active in my church. I play in the band. I try to be good and kind and help others. All things that are good. However, at the same time I continue in sinful acts that I know God does not approve of. I know it disappoints Him and I know that it hurts my relationship with Him. Why do I keep sinning? I don't know. I pray for deliverance and then fall for Satan's same old tricks. "The Mole Within" as Kenny Luck puts it.
The question I have began asking myself is, "What is your motivation?" Am I reading the Bible and praying because I truly believe it will create change in my life and draw me closer to God or am I trying to get something FROM God by my efforts? Times are tough, money is tight, my business is suffering. I NEED some material blessing, but Jesus taught us to ask for our DAILY bread. We are to trust God to provide for us daily. If I get that I should be well pleased. I am grateful to God for my life and my family and all the blessings I have been given. I must decide whether I am in this for the long haul or I am just trying to "convince" God to give me what I want.
It is comforting to me to read the words of Paul and see that he struggled with sin just as I do. David in his struggles with Saul continually gave it all over to God and God blessed. I know David wanted to do away with Saul in the cave, but he chose God's ways over his own. My prayer is that I be as trusting of God to have my best interest at heart.
I will continue to do the things that God has told us all to do. Pray, read, love others. Eventually, God will get through to my own heart if I just trust Him and follow His way. I am thankful that God loves me even when I'm confused and conflicted. He truly loves the unlovable!

Created about 3 years ago