Yes, but...

When I read these stories of physical healings, I know there's much more going on that just what we see on the outside. When Jesus comes up to this man who'd been invalid for 38 years and asks "Do you want to be healed?", he's really asking him "Do you want to be saved?" Because later in the story, Jesus finds the same man again in the temple and says, "See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you." I think that this shows that Jesus is not as much concerned about the man's physical well-being (even though it's still important to him I'm sure) as much as he's concerned about the man's spiritual condition. I guess with a lot of the circumstances that brought me pain and struggle throughout college, I had just wanted a quick-fix to everything so I could just get back on my feet and put things in the past. I didn't think there was anything more to really fix because as long as I could just appear normal, act normal, and work like I was working before, there was nothing more to it than that. And maybe it wasn't until this year that the deeper issues starting revealing themselves, the ones that I hadn't addressed or didn't want to address for a few years. How is Jesus going to heal me more "completely" this time around? How do I make myself more open to that kind of healing? I'm actually worried that I'm going to fall, or already am falling back, into that trap of just thinking that everything's alright.

"Do you want to be healed?" I imagined Jesus asking me that question, and my answer right now would've probably been "Yes, but..." Yes, but why is it taking this long? Yes, but aren't problems just going to come again? Maybe the man Jesus approached in this story was thinking kind of along those lines too because his response to Jesus' question isn't a clear yes or no either. Is the answer that I just have to keep being patient? I'm so tempted to ask what I have to do, but I know it's not about what I do that's going to bring me healing. I just don't know I guess.

Created over 2 years ago