shuffling and stammering
David spoke his name: "mephibosheth."
"yes sir?" "don't be frightened," said david. "i'd like to do something special for you in memory of your father jonathan. to begin with, i'm returning to you all the properties of your grandfather Saul. Furthermore, from now on you'll take all your meals at my table." shuffling and stammering, not looking him in the eye, Mephibosheth said, "who am i that you pay attention to a stray dog like me?"
shuffling and stammering. . .very similiar to a response i had in the 7 journeys worksheet, with the hypothetical question of what i'd do if i got to the gates of Heaven, and Jesus was there, and He asked me why i should let him in. i thought (and think) that there would be tears on my part, as reality sank in and i realized i had nothing, brought nothing to the table, that i was totally dependent on HIM. but before that, i think there would be stammered answers, feet shuffling as i try and and come up with something. maybe not- maybe the awe of standing in His presence would be enough to keep my mouth shut and my scheming at a minimum, but it's just so automatic to think in terms of earning, to try and come up with some kind of plea bargain, some kind of repayment plan, forgetting as i did so how fundamentally huge the debt owed is. this is the heart of foolishness, i know, but i still go there so often. . .
again here, the image of dining comes up- a chance for a "stray dog" to eat at the same table as the king. this casts my mind back to another image that You've used in my life, something You broadcast to my heart via a fellow Shoal Creeker. the image of me, playing the beggar, begging for love and attention and respect from every person i see pass by, capering and dancing joylessly, anything to get a scrap of "nourishment" from those around me, while the King (You) stand behind me, ignored, with an invitation to sit at Your table and eat to my heart's content. and when i DO finally turn around? i shuffle my feet, i stammer out thanks, i won't look You full in the face. I'll go, but i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for You to laugh cruelly and say "just kidding". that has to hurt Your hurt yet some more, doesn't it? i don't have a son yet, but i'm picturing giving a son a gift, a huge, unimaginable gift, just to show him i love him, and him responding like this, trembling and shaking, not looking me in the eye, like a dog that's been kicked. my heart would be BREAKING! help me Father, to see You AS a Father, to keep poking at these images, to not only grab onto the invitation to dine with You, but to RELAX at the table with You- to respond with gratitude, AND with an attitude of peace, the type of peace only YOU can give me. . .
Created over 2 years ago
