A Value Inconceivable, a Love Incomprehendible
How many times, O Lord will I read your truth, sing it, speak it, listen to it, write it, see it, try to take it in, yet not believe it? How many times have I read "There is now no condemnation..." and yet still feel completely down in the dumps and worthless when I mess up? I have tasted your freedom from sin and the law before, but just can't seem to hold onto it. How long will it take for me to fully understand your mercy, your forgiveness...your love? And when I finally understand and believe, will I be able to live it out? Will I ever be able to live without guilt for the sins I have committed?
Now, again, I do not want to say that I have never known the freedom of the Lord or felt his forgiveness. This is something that He is continually teaching me...and will probably be for the rest of my life. I also don't want to imply that I am depressed or deeply in anguish, but I get frustrated sometimes that I cannot consistently live by the truth that He has spoken, and believe with all of me that I have this value!
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
-Psalm 51
25 I am laid low in the dust;
preserve my life according to your word.
28 My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
30 I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set my heart on your laws.
32 I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.
-Psalm 118
Lord, give me the strength to continue to live according to your Word. Sustain me with your Spirit by reminding me of your love constantly. Be at work in my heart, O Lord, so that I might believe that I am of the same value as your Son's blood! I will choose to trust in you and your promises that you have spoken. You are stronger! You are life. You are love. You are light.
You give value to this weary, broken soul. Please, God, let me see that.
Created about 2 years ago
