Saving Aaron.

Today is "day 3" of finding out my little brother has HIV. He's homosexual.

For years I've prayed that God will rescue him, forgive him, and bring him home (to the Christian faith). I've never judged my brother, in-fact, I've never fully understood why homosexuality was a sin; however, never questioned God. My mindset has never mimicked those of radical Catholicism in the hatred and judgements that being gay was a 'choice' rather than a deficiency in the built of their genes. I don't knw and will never fully understand it. I knw in my heart that I don't intend to question God's hand-work in our unique creation; however, as uncontrollable my feelings would be for another I would compare it to why gays were attracted to the same sex.

My prayers for my brother would just consist of pls forgive him. Please save him. That's it. Why? Because I didn't knw how to pray for that situation. How do you pray for protection of what is clearly acknowledged as a sin? I love my brother and I remember growing up, he learned about who God is.

With that said, I also knw that once you are in God's radar, there is nothing you can do to escape it. He sees and knws what's deep in each of our hearts. And if what he sees is really your belief in Him, He WILL catch your attention one way or another, despite the layer of denial that overcomes you and takes you to turn to other worldy things for comfort.

After receiving this devastating news, I was blind-sided. Above the comfort I felt about this, I could not help but to grieve. My heart aches. Just thinking of how sick he could get.

Two weeks ago I was reading my devotions and praying about him. I felt this tug in my heart which we can misconstrue as just us talking to ourselves. It spoke to me and said,"I'm sorry but this has to happen. A storm is coming." I felt it for two weeks. And then boom. His test results came in.

I mean, really God? REALLY? I thought you wouldn't give us anything we couldn't handle? My brother is already skinny and sickly! He's already mal-nutritioned! Are you serious?

Today is day 3 of the confirmation. And today, by the grace of God, I've learned to accept my brother's fate. Could this be the 'answer' to our prayers for him? For some reason ive never been more sure of it. This is God's will for him.
God has a plan for him. For us as a family. Prayer is very powerful and I have a feeling that this is His response to what we've been praying for. What have we gotten ourselves into? His unconditional and very powerful grace. Sometimes we don't realize what we're really asking but the good news is that He does.

I've realized that as a parent to a child, discipline is given through pure love for the child. My son will cry and cry if I don't give him the lollipop or m&ms he wants. But I know it's only for his good. I'll give him these treats ONCE IN A WHILE like God gives and takes away. But ultimately, even though we can not see the light in the tunnel now just as Urijah crying for 5 minutes aching for his lollipop, this too, is something God has placed in our lives for a reason.

Maybe if God gave my brother the second chance I begged Him for, my brother would just turn around and do it again. Maybe this is the fishing line God has thrown at my brother to turn his life around. God sometimes puts us in very difficult circumstances to get us on our knees so that we are cornered to acknowledge Him for us to see how really necessary He is to us. We can perceive this to be cruel, but He does this so that ultimately, we end up in heaven with Him because He loves us. And i truly believe that at the end of it all, that is what really matters. What I also know is this: God will never leave us, or forsake us and His promises are true.

Lord, please be with our family as we grieve and go through this milestone. Round us up as a family to be brought closer to you. Give my mom the strength she needs to take this news. And although your plans for us has not yet been revealed, above all else, Please bring my brother back to you. Amen.

"Look at your problems in the light of God's power instead of looking at God in the shadow of your problems"
-anonymous

Created over 1 year ago