How To Choose A Husband
Per the last blog, we spoke about “How To Make Good Decisions” and we mapped a three (3) stage process. That process is 1.) Get A Bible; 2.) Pray; 3.) Seek Godly Counsel and now we are going to take those principles and apply them to a real life situation.
The question we are going to review is “How Do I Choose A Husband”. This is the “age old” question for women. “Who should I marry”, “What if there are not other guys”, “Is this guy good enough”, or “I don’t want to be alone anymore!”. Well, I am not a woman; I can still make wise decisions, so what does the Bible say about husbands?
::THEOLOGY::(This is in your Bible)
He Must Be Godly
Need a litmus test? Here is a good one: First, does he go to church? Not, “Does he want to” but “Does he actually go”. That would be a good start. A man who puts his butt in a pew is a good place to start. Second, does he bring his Bible to Church – pretty good indicator a man loves Jesus. One, it shows he actually knows where his Bible is – oh and that he owns a Bible. It shows he wants to follow along with the text that is being studied. Third, is he actively involved in Church. Does he actually put forth effort to contribute to his church family? Christianity will get “Stale” if one doesn’t contribute to the purpose of Jesus. His contribution shows he loves Jesus so much, that Jesus is not just “a good show on Sunday” but a purpose to live a life for that he actually wants to contribute to the future of the Kingdom by investing, planting, and encouraging the Church through his activity. Finally, what is this man like outside of Sundays? If you didn’t go to the same church would you actually know that he is a Christian and loves Jesus or would he be like “everyone else”?
Finding a Godly man is foundational. If you are looking for a husband to get married to and he is not a Christian, you are going to have a rocky marriage that may ultimately end up in divorce. This is why the Bible tells us not to get married or be “bound together” with an unbeliever because you can’t get along [2 Corinthians 6:14]. It isn’t a “Well, may I can make this work” or “Maybe I can get him to become a Christian”. My first question for the woman who says that is – “Where are you spiritually, that you would want to seek someone who does not love Jesus? Someone who does not want to raise your Children to love Jesus.” Perhaps, you need to get into the Bible and grow closer to Jesus – because that can be a scary road and, more often than not, it works out for the worse.
When it comes to a boyfriend, you need to think long term. You need to think, is this man I am with worthy to be my husband? Is he a Godly man? You should ask yourself these questions, “Will this person have the same values as me” or “Will this person want to teach my children the same morals I have” and ultimately, “Will this person want to teach my children Jesus”. If you do not have that, you seriously need to rethink your relationship with that person and literally “Check yourself, before you wreck yourself”; because, if you marry that person – you life will be very difficult. 1 Corinthians 2:14 tells us that an unbeliever cannot (that doesn’t mean you can convince them or change their minds) they cannot, I repeat, cannot accept nor understand the things of God and that he will (absolute) believe the things of God as stupid and foolish. Think about your kids. Satan will already have a foot hold on your children, and with a home that the parents are not on the same page spiritually…Satan will have won half the battle already.
If he is a Christian, and you differ on values, morals or where you should go to church. Then you are going to have issues and division rather than unity. These topics, values, morals, Jesus, church, where to live, Christian or public school etc. - need to be discussed openly and honestly. If the man is not willing or shuts down in these discussions he is not ready to be your husband or father your children.
So what does Godliness look like? Simple, ready Ephesians 4; Ephesians 5; Colossians 3 – the are very applicable text that accurately map out what a mature Christian looks like. Other text such as Titus 2; 1 Timothy 3 explain what a Deacon or Elder in a Church should look like and although those text are for specific offices in the church, I would imagine having a husband who is not cheating on you, not a drunk, someone able to manage, be respectable, hospitable, peaceable, with a good reputation, and not hypocritical are probably good attributes to have in a husband. Find a man who loves Jesus, someone who is living out the attributes noted in the above references - and you are on your way to a truly Godly Husband.
He Must Have A Job
If a man is truly Godly then he will aspire to take care of you, provide for you and your children. 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us that a man that does not provide for his own family is worse than an unbeliever, that is not a suggestion that is a fact. So, ladies, second thing you need to evaluate is: “Does he have a job or willing to work”. A lot of men do not like to work because it is hard, or takes away from their “fun time”. Well, life didn’t use to be like that. God created man to work, cultivate (develop) and keep the Garden of Eden; then we sinned and work became cursed and we were to hustle, work hard and toil in order to eat. Therefore, because we sinned, God made work hard for us. That is why a lot of men are lazy [Proverbs 10:4; 19:15; 13:4], or full of talk and focused on fantasy [Proverbs 14:23; 28:19-22].
One a man’s primary roles, in the family, is to provide for them. In fact, if he sits at home, doesn’t work, and allows the wife to take care of him (When he is perfectly able to work, i.e. not disabled or some drastic “thing”), then the Bible say that he chooses to deny the faith and is actually worse than an unbeliever [1 Timothy 5:8]. It is so important for a woman to find a man who can keep a job, this shows stability, security and most of all integrity. I am pretty sure that a woman does not want a man who is Dr. Jeckle one day and Mr. Hyde another or jumping from job to job. I would also say it is probably safe to say that a woman wants a man to make her feel secure; meaning, she knows he is a “one woman man”; if things go bad in the economy, he will have saved up money in a Godly way to leave a “security blanket” to live off of, if he gets sick or becomes disabled, she knows he has insurance (disability and health) that if something drastic happens she won’t have to freak out. Finally, I would also image a woman would love to have a man who has integrity. Integrity is honesty, good reputation, someone who holds a level of honor. If a man is unstable, with a future that is hazy or unsure, and he doesn’t walk his talk – then, why would you want to marry him? Maybe he doesn’t have a job, I would ask: Is he in school, is he driven, does he clean his room, does he live on his own, is he 30 still living with his parents with no job? Those are some practical examples of what may be signs of instability, insecurity, and a lack of integrity. Let’s face it ladies, if you knew of a man who was stable in his life (i.e. work, faithfulness, and decision making), would that make you feel secure? Would that show a level of integrity? Do you want a man or do you want a boy?
If you can find a man who is first, Godly and second, has a Job – you are rounding third base and almost home. If you can find this man, grab him. One reason being is, most women want to be the Proverbs 31 woman (i.e. where the husband trusts her, she works hard for the family, she is smart, strong, giving, not afraid to take care of family, dignified, wise, able to raise children who make her proud). If the man is Godly and has a job, he will work to cultivate you into a woman who love Jesus more than you can imagine. Ephesians 5:23-30 speaks about how Jesus is currently cultivating, developing and nurturing His bride (All Believers) to be pure (Clean), without wrinkle, holy and blameless. That is what Jesus is doing, He is working to sanctify His future bride. He doesn’t just marry the first bride He sees, He works for her.
Men need to be working in the same way with their wives, loving them, holding them, nurturing them, working and understanding them so they one day be leaders and examples for other people that Jesus is real and a marriage can work.
::PRAYER::
Now that you have an understanding about what a husband should look like – you can now begin to pray for such a man in your life. You know what to look for: he needs to be Godly, he needs to have a job and if he is Godly, he will work with stability, he will make you feel secure, and he will hold a high level of integrity.
Next, you can now evaluate your current boyfriend. Does he match up to what the Bible says? If not, then why are you with him? Is it because he is “close” or “the only option”; if so, I will tell you this – do not settle for “the only option” or someone who is “close”. Think of your children and the example of a man/father/husband you will put before them. If you do not want your daughter marrying someone like your boyfriend (evaluating ALL of their life not just the times you hang out) then you really need to think about your boyfriend and your relationship. If he is the man, then you need to talk to him about life. Talk budgets (http://www.lakehillsonline.org/oasisfinance ), children, what church to visit, where do you want to live – because you don’t want to be blindsided, you want to know all you can know.
::SEEK GODLY COUNSEL::
The Song of Solomon 1:4b tells us that when the woman finds her man she and her friends will be happy for her. This happens when the girlfriends see their friend (bride to be) has a “good catch” a man who is stable, secure and has integrity because he is Godly. We see this all the time, when a woman gets married to a good man, all the bridesmaids are so excited for their friend. However, if their friend is unstable, insecure and without integrity (or dishonest) they are not happy or excited but concerned and worried. Although, most friends do not take the Proverbs 27:6> “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy approach” because they don’t want to “hurt someone’s feelings” (when in time, you will actually be an enemy to your friend because you didn’t tell them about the landmine there were standing on). Therefore, it is important to know the counsel you are going to. You need to make sure they will be honest with you and you won’t have to “pull teeth” – make sure their “yes is yes” and their “no is no” [Mathew 5:37] because, anything otherwise is evil and deceptive.
So what should you do? You should seek out what does the Bible say about my life, my marriage, my boyfriend, my engagement. Next, you need to pray what the Bible says. Lastly, you need to seek out Godly counsel. Proverbs 15:22 tells us “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed.
Resources to Think Check Out:
http://proverbs31.gospelcom.net/index.php
http://p31everydaylife.blogspot.com/
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
http://www.loveandrespect.com/
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